I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize