I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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