I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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