Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
