Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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