I wish I could teleport
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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