They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
