Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
