well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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