the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
