she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
