oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize