Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
