so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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