My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize