He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
