I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
