:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
