It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
