she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
