Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
