We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize