Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Terrible idea I love it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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