wat bout pragnant strippers??
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
