So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
