Kiss
Puke
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
