She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
