Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize