so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize