dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize