I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
