i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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