So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
