have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
