After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so let's talk penis.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
