you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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