Soap is not a condiment
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
