3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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