No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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