Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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