I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
