Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
