I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You are the jesus of drinking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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