She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
