I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
