I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize