after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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