he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
be right there i have to get my cape
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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