I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
