sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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