I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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