just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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