went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
