you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize