things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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