You smell like stripper and shame
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
