Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
