I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
