My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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