My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What a dumb baby whore.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize