you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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