Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
