Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
