got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
