her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
