matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
