I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize