there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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