Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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