Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
