Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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