Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
