Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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