I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize