Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
