There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
