Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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