I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
