Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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