Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know her cup size but not her name....
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