Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
