My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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