She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
where am i from again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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