Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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