His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
