Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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