I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
