i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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