I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize