I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
