I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
